Steve Discovers The Simpsons
by GoesKaboom
Summary: Written for a prompt on avengerkink. Steve Rogers becomes addicted to the Simpsons. Someone, somehow, gifts him a spider pig pot belly . It somehow works. Crack fic, oneshot.


Steve Discovers The Simpsons

**Note: I really don't think it's necessary to do this, since it's pretty obvious I don't own The Avengers or The Simpsons, but seriously? I'd prefer to not have a bunch of lawyers up in my business so... I don't own anything. **

At first, Steve had been hesitant about Tony's whole "introduce Captain America to modern pop culture" plan. He didn't exactly know what he was supposed to do after being frozen for seventy years, but somehow, he got the feeling that watching seventy years' worth of television programs and movies wasn't exactly at the top of the list. He should be catching up on the historical events he'd missed, try to adapt to all of the new technology that had been invented (he still couldn't figure out how to work the microwave, much to his frustration), or try to adapt to the way the world worked now. So many things had changed, so many things had happened... and here Tony was demanding that he catch up on _movies_, of all things. Steve thought the priorities there were a bit misplaced.

But Tony was insistent, and eventually, Steve just gave up fighting him on it. It just wasn't worth the effort it took to protest, and besides, he was even beginning to maybe look forward to the "movie nights," just a bit. Picture quality and special effects had improved exponentially since the 1940s. Even movies from the 1950s and 1960s that would be considered unbearably cheesy by 2012 standards were pure cinematic magic to Steve.

However, it had taken him some more time to get used to how much the _content_ of movies had changed since his previous lifetime. Characters in the movies and shows tossed around words that would _never_ have been said in polite company- the first time Steve heard a movie character drop the F-bomb, he'd nearly jumped a foot in the air. Of course, that had sent Tony into paroxysms of laughter. "You should see the look on your face!"

"They can... they can actually say that in the movies now?" Steve asked, eyes wide. Of course, that only made Tony laugh even harder.

"Yeah, when the movie is completed, it gets sent to the MPAA- they're America's movie guild- and they assign it a rating based on the content," Tony explained, once he'd managed to get his laughter under control. "But I'm surprised at your reaction. Didn't they have swear words in your time?"

"Of course we did!" Steve shot back, defensive without really knowing why. "We just didn't say them in polite society, or in the movies!"

After a while, though, Steve got used to the cultural shift that had taken place and found that he actually really enjoyed most of the things Tony kept pushing him to watch. And it wasn't too long before Tony didn't even have to push him at all. Steve had Jarvis pull up movie after movie, show after show, all on his own. And he was watching literally _everything_ in Tony's impressive movie collection that he thought might be interesting.

He marathoned all the Star Wars movies one day, then watched the entire Matrix trilogy back-to-back. After that, he took the time over a week to watch Star Trek: The Original Series. Once he was done with that, Clint decided it would be hilarious to introduce him to Japanese anime, without telling Steve about the various sub-genres of that category. Steve had quite a shock when he pulled up a movie, expecting something like what Studio Ghibli would come out with, only to end up with a story about gigantic octopus monsters and screaming school-girls. He walked away from that one with a sudden phobia of calimari. After that, he watched a couple of rom-coms, then decided to check out the American cartoons. He'd watched a few Looney Tunes back in the day, and wanted to see how different things were now.

He watched Scooby-Doo, My Little Pony, Pokemon, King of the Hill, Rugrats, the works...

And then he found The Simpsons.

Steve couldn't get enough of that show. He obsessively watched the two-plus decades of the show, and nearly exploded from happiness when he found out that they were still making new episodes. He watched his favorites over and over again, trying to glean all the hidden meanings that he could from them. Steve was certain that he'd found the best thing to ever be created- this... this was _art_. And for the first time since he'd been unfrozen, he found himself compelled to just _draw_.

He drew Homer with his donuts and beer, and once even drew Tony hanging out with Homer. After all, how could he _not_ make the connection between the two? Both Tony and the Simpson patriarch were fond of the sugary breakfast food and alcoholic beverages. He liked to draw Marge with her physically impossible hair, he drew several pictures of Bart, Lisa, and Maggie together. He drew the supporting cast- Marge's sisters, Grandpa Simpson, Mr. Burns, Moe, Milhouse, everyone.

His teammates took notice of his new passion, but no one said anything about it other than the occasional "are you watching The Simpsons again?" or "Hey, that's a good drawing, it really looks like Homer!" or "Why don't you watch a couple episodes of Futurama? Matt Groening did that show, too."

Overall, though, everyone was glad that Steve found something he liked so much. Watching the Simpsons was a good way to get him to connect to modern culture, help him adapt to the present time. After all, the show always did focus on current events in a humorous way- it would be good for helping Steve get used to things.

Clint and Tony, though- they had a plan. A _great_ plan. A plan so epic it would go down in history. A plan to cause some hilarious, non-destructive chaos.

"Have you seen the Simpsons Movie yet?" Clint asked.

Steve's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. "There's a movie?" he asked. Clint nodded.

"Yeah, there's a movie. You should have Jarvis pull it up for you, I think you'll like it."

Steve didn't need to be told twice. He ran into the TV room, completely missing the mischevious grin on his teammate's face. If he had, he would have stopped right there and not followed Clint's directive. When Hawkeye got that look on his face, it usually meant something was either going to explode, or he'd rigged something up so that it would do something it wasn't supposed to. Clint snickered to himself, before pulling out his cell phone. Flipping it open, he hit a button and pressed it to his ear. "Stark? Yeah, it's me. Go ahead and get it."

Two hours later, Steve emerged from the TV room, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. That had been _excellent_. He couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed so much. He was definitely going to have to watch that one again.

"Hey! Steve! C'mere, we got you a present!" Tony exclaimed, startling Steve. If he didn't know better, he would have thought Tony had been lurking just outside the TV room door, waiting for him. But that was ridiculous- why would he feel the need to do that? It was Tony's tower, after all- he could go where he wanted.

"A present?" Steve asked skeptically. Tony nodded.

"Yeah! Come on!" Tony replied happily, tugging Steve by the arm insistently. Steve didn't really understand what the other man was so excited about, but he followed him with question into the main entrance hall, where Clint was standing with a pot-bellied pig on a leash. But this wasn't just any pig- this pig had somehow managed, or more likely, some _human_ had managed, to put it in a little red, blue, and black suit with a spiderweb motife. Clint was grinning like he'd just won the lottery, and Tony looked like it was taking all of his willpower to not fall over from laughter. As it was, he was doing a commendable job of not giggling _too_ loudly.

"...what is that?" Steve finally managed to ask.

"Obviously it's a pig," Clint replied immediately.

"I know it's a pig, but what is it doing here?" Steve asked, completely baffled. "And what is it wearing?"

"It's Spider-Pig!" Clint answered, grinning. "We thought we'd get him for you, since you like The Simpsons so much! Besides, you need something to do- you can't just sit around all the time watching TV and blowing up the microwave- and a pet is the perfect thing to keep you occupied!"

"But what do I do with a pig?" Steve cried out, ignoring the microwave comment. "Do you walk it, like a dog, or does it need to be litter-trained, like a cat? What does it even eat?"

Tony couldn't hold back his mirth any longer. He doubled over laughing, holding his stomach. Clint herded the incapacitated billionaire away, but not before handing the leash to a still-flummoxed Steve. "Just use the Internet! I'm sure you can find everything you need to know about cairing for a pig. He's all yours now! Let us know how everything goes!"

Before Steve had a chance to protest, the two other men hurried off, laughing at their brilliance.

Steve looked at Spider-Pig.

Spider-Pig looked back at Steve and gave a soft oink.

Steve shrugged.

"Might as well," he muttered to himself, before picking up the oddly-attired porcine and lifting it towards the ceiling. Very, very quietly, Steve began to sing: "Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, does whatever a spider-pig does..."

* * *

A few days later, Natasha happened to glance upwards, and nearly dropped her coffee cup when she realized exactly what it was she was looking at. "Why are there HOOF-PRINTS on the ceiling!"

/END


End file.
